There are days...

There are days when I finally (oh gee 6 years later woohoo) say that things are better, my life just MIGHT be able to move on without her... BUT THEN there are days like today where I just want to cry, scream "WHY WHY WHY did you have to take her???" and just generally pitch a toddler type tantrum.

I want and need my mom still so much and yet she's been gone for 6 years now. Why does this intense ache still hit so hard?

I've been realizing lately that the course of my life could/would have been so much different if my Mom hadn't passed away. At the time my mom had her gastric bypass surgery, 4 moths of hospitalization and then subsequently passed away I was in my final few semesters of Pre-reqs for my RN (registered nursing) degree and would have only had to complete the clinicals. I intended to take a semesters leave-of-absence but that turned into, well 6 years later. Even though in the past year I have decided to take a different route and become a social worker I am currently beating myself up for having not stayed the course. If I had done that I could at least have one college degree under my belt. Ahhh the wonderful effects of grief.