Where has the time gone? Can anyone believe that tomorrow is DECEMBER 1st? I sure can't, seems this year is just flying by!

Thanksgiving has come and gone and I made it through another year. The holiday's are tough enough but Thanksgiving is even tougher being that it is literally the last day I saw my precious mother alive.

I'm missing my Mom alot lately and I know that's partially due to the holidays. Also I am going through some personal/health issues where I could really use my Mom's guidance and support.It's so hard to not be able to pick up the phone and have her there to listen, give me advice, or just generally be a shoulder to lean on. I have the rest of my family but it's not the same. However this evening I am feeling pretty positive and I know somehow I will make it through.

WOW, It's been so very long since I have posted here. It's been 3 years and 4 months, I'm not sure I can say that time has really helped. I guess that the grief is "different" now then it was. It's not so raw and fresh but yet I don't feel like I miss her any less in fact sometimes I feel that I miss her MORE because the pain isn't so fresh and the reality that she is never coming back sucks more then anything I could ever imagine.

Everyone tells me She's watching over me. YES I do BELIEVE she's watching over me! I know people think it will make me feel better when they say this but honestly most days all that statement does is piss me off. SO WHAT she's watching over me, how does that help? I can't see her, I can't talk to her and have her answer me, I can't hug her or hold her. Maybe she's proud of me, maybe she thinks I am totally screwing up my life no matter what she thinks she can't tell me these things in a way that I can hear them.

I had a lot more thoughts when I started this post but right now I am too exhausted to put them into words. All I know right now is that I wish my mother was still here to tell me everything is going to be OK.