WOW, It's been so very long since I have posted here. It's been 3 years and 4 months, I'm not sure I can say that time has really helped. I guess that the grief is "different" now then it was. It's not so raw and fresh but yet I don't feel like I miss her any less in fact sometimes I feel that I miss her MORE because the pain isn't so fresh and the reality that she is never coming back sucks more then anything I could ever imagine.

Everyone tells me She's watching over me. YES I do BELIEVE she's watching over me! I know people think it will make me feel better when they say this but honestly most days all that statement does is piss me off. SO WHAT she's watching over me, how does that help? I can't see her, I can't talk to her and have her answer me, I can't hug her or hold her. Maybe she's proud of me, maybe she thinks I am totally screwing up my life no matter what she thinks she can't tell me these things in a way that I can hear them.

I had a lot more thoughts when I started this post but right now I am too exhausted to put them into words. All I know right now is that I wish my mother was still here to tell me everything is going to be OK.