Late Night Ramblings

Sep 23, 2006

It's been a long day and I am completly and overwhelmingly exhausted. Maybe that is why on the drive to my house I burst into tears over a song that wasn't really all that sad. Or maybe it's because yesterday was my birthday and despite all resonable knowings of the fact that my Mother would not call me I still could not help but have this nagging feeling of waiting for her to call. Even after my Dad and lil sis called to wish me a happy birthday (Thanks Dad, for pointing out that I am getting old, lol) I still could not help but have the nagging albeit wishful thinking in the back of my brain that she would call. Even though last year was technically my first birthday without my Mom (she passed away Feb 9, 2005) it was still fresh enough that I could pretend that maybe it was all just a bad dream that I would awaken from. This year it is impossible to do that as I now realize just how unfairly real it all is! I have been dreading my birthday since the beginning of the month andnow that it's come and gone (well I can't even be technically over it because we're having my family "party" tommorrow/today prob. by the time I am done writting this) it was as bad as I anticipated. I somehow fail to see the point of celebrating a birthday when the person who gave birth to you is no longer here to help celebrate.