My first blog, missing my mom, etc...

May 23, 2006

Well, I've never actually "blogged" before but my boyfriend thinks I'd be good at it since I talk to myself alot, lol. Hey at least I don't answer myself yet, besides "I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every moment of it." I thought I would share part of a poem I started writting the other day with y'all now remember this isn't finished and it's still a rough draft...

Its been a year since youve been gone,
I wonder where the time goes.
How I wish I still had your wisdom to guide me.
Or to hear your gentle voice with which you used to tell me
Everything was going to be ok.
I miss your tender embrace and
that loving smile on your face.

This poem was written for, and dedicated to, my Mom (RIP). I have written a few poems for her over the past year and three months, trying to express the anguish I feel of not having her here. Somehow I thought this would be easier, after all the death I have been through in my life but it is a totally different almost inexplicable loss. How do you go on when the person who brought you into this world has left you at such an early age?

Every day I see mother's with their daughters and this indescribable jealousy, like nothing I have ever felt before wells up inside of me. Or worse yet I hear daughter's speaking ill of their mothers and the only comment I can muster is a biting, sour "Well, at least you have a mother." Is it normal to be this jealous? To be so bitter towards people whose mother's aren't dead? I mean it's not their fault but I still feel this overwhelming jealousy. I want so bad to have my Mom back, or maybe better yet to join her, to be together with her again.